VoraciousBillyGoat

Dear Diary,

It doesn’t take Inspector Poirot to see a pattern in my food intake today: Carbs and dairy. Dairy and carbs. Carbs. Carbs and dairy. Carbs. Dairy and carbs. Carbs.

This is, unfortunately, very representative of my diet here at the test kitchen. More unfortunate yet: I love dairy and carbs. And together? Magic! Cereal, mashed potatoes, pizza, biscuits, and rice. Yup, I covered all the bases. Maybe I should develop a new food pyramid based solely on starches and their accomplice, dairy:

BISCUITS

PIZZA   IN  ALL  ITS  ITERATIONS

RICE PILAF    RICE CASSEROLE   RICE PUDDING

CEREAL    VIENNOISERIE    PIES     CAKE-&-ICE CREAM

SPAGHETTI, ET AL    MAC’N'CHEESE   DUMPLINGS  GNOCCHI

• Coffee
• Honey Nut Cheerios with whole milk
• Sour cream smashed potatoes (multiple tastings)
• Low-fat oatmeal cookies (multiple tastings)
• 6 bites From-the-Freezer cheese pizza
• 2 bites cornmeal biscuits
• 2 bites cheddar-broccoli-rice casserole
• ½ blueberry muffin
• 6 bites slow-cooker BBQ brisket

P.S. At least I punctuated my day with some protein.

Tags: biscuits, cereal, cookies, mac'n'cheese, pizza, potatoes, rice
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Dear Diary,

You are well-acquainted with my belly aching. Even though the back of the Prilosec box promises to eliminate heartburn symptoms by the time one has popped its fortnight-worth of pills, I’ve been taking them for much longer than that. It’s been 8 years. I think the company should send me an anniversary gift. I did some research and bronze is the appropriate material. I’d like a bronze image of moi.

In defense of Prilosec, I abuse my stomach mercilessly, eating things that would irritate it even if it were lined in steel. But how dull would life be if I consumed only milk toast and drab porridge? How much more thrilling is it to have condiments and salsas picantes and pop and deep-fried things, and PIZZA? Anyway, that’s why there are back-up meds.

• Coffee
• Honey Nut Cheerios with whole milk
• Sour cream smashed potatoes (several tastings – recipe I was developing for Cook’s Country Feb/Mar 2009 issue)
• Low-fat oatmeal cookies (multiple tastings)
• 6 bites slow-cooker BBQ brisket
• 6 bites From-the-Freezer cheese pizza
• 2 bites cornmeal biscuits
• 2 bites cheddar-broccoli-rice casserole
• ½ blueberry muffin

Tags: cereal, Pepto Bismol, pizza
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Dear Diary,

Hmmm. I didn’t eat much at all today. Nutritionally speaking, though, I think I hit all levels on the pyramid: Protein, check. Dairy, check. Carbs, checkcheckcheckcheck! What’s that? Vegetables? In the Country, should we ever come across a vegetable, we’d smother it in cheese. Or deep-fry it. Vegetables…Ha!

• Coffee
• 3 bites BBQ steak tips
• 1 hard-boiled egg
• 3 bites chocolate bread pudding
• 1 small spoonful vanilla custard
• 1 cube beef flap
• ½ can Polar Diet Ginger Ale
• 1 bite orange bundt cake
• 2 mushy, undercooked spaetzle
• 1 bite cranberry walnut pie
• Bowl of Rice Krispies with skim milk (note how I forewent the whole milk)
• 1 bite cheesecake
• 1 bite angel food cake

Tags: beef, cake, cereal, chocolate
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