VoraciousBillyGoat

Dear Diary,

Long weekend. And now, back to the wonderful world of food. Not that I didn’t eat this weekend. Although I usually end my week at the test kitchen with resolute promises to have nothing but steamed vegetables and water in an attempt to cleanse what must be a toxic bloodstream, a brief train ride home is enough to clear away such nonsensical thinking.

This hot summer’s day brings with it food better suited for crisp fall days, but, 17 Station Street is much like Alice’s rabbit hole—one stumbles, trips, and falls headfirst into a land that knows no time or season. If only one had Alice’s magical shrinking biscuit that would keep one’s proportions in check.

• 1 bowl Honey Bunches of Oats cereal with 1 banana and 2% milk
• Coffee
• Sour cream smashed potatoes (multiple tastings, about 1 cup total—starting to hate spuds)
• Stuffed fillet of sole with lemon cream sauce
• 1 sip Hollandaise sauce (who “sips” Hollandaise?!)
• 1 lick French silk pie
• 3 low-fat oatmeal cookies (multiple tastings…ignoring the fact that low-fat doesn’t mean low-carb or low-sugar)
• 1 bite apricot bundt cake
• 1 bite apricot tarte Tatin
• 1 bite vegetable-stuffed trout
• 1 bite bacon-wrapped bluefish

Tags: bacon, cake, cookies, potatoes
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Dear Diary,

It doesn’t take Inspector Poirot to see a pattern in my food intake today: Carbs and dairy. Dairy and carbs. Carbs. Carbs and dairy. Carbs. Dairy and carbs. Carbs.

This is, unfortunately, very representative of my diet here at the test kitchen. More unfortunate yet: I love dairy and carbs. And together? Magic! Cereal, mashed potatoes, pizza, biscuits, and rice. Yup, I covered all the bases. Maybe I should develop a new food pyramid based solely on starches and their accomplice, dairy:

BISCUITS

PIZZA   IN  ALL  ITS  ITERATIONS

RICE PILAF    RICE CASSEROLE   RICE PUDDING

CEREAL    VIENNOISERIE    PIES     CAKE-&-ICE CREAM

SPAGHETTI, ET AL    MAC’N'CHEESE   DUMPLINGS  GNOCCHI

• Coffee
• Honey Nut Cheerios with whole milk
• Sour cream smashed potatoes (multiple tastings)
• Low-fat oatmeal cookies (multiple tastings)
• 6 bites From-the-Freezer cheese pizza
• 2 bites cornmeal biscuits
• 2 bites cheddar-broccoli-rice casserole
• ½ blueberry muffin
• 6 bites slow-cooker BBQ brisket

P.S. At least I punctuated my day with some protein.

Tags: biscuits, cereal, cookies, mac'n'cheese, pizza, potatoes, rice
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Dear Diary,

I took a nap today and had that horrible nightmare about my teeth falling out. Have you ever had that one? I’ve heard it’s fear of loss. I’ll say! If I lose my teeth I won’t be able to experience texture: no crunch, no pensive chew, no soft bubblegum rumination, no crisp, no snap, no crackle, no pop.

Can I tell you how awful it was? I’ll tell you anyway… My teeth are gray. The crown I have (an aside to explain waking life crown: I chew on imaginary food in my sleep, i.e. I grind at night) is loose. I walk to the bathroom and get to within an inch of the mirror. The reflection begins to fog with my breath. I panic.  My mouth thickens with saliva. I spit out a thin slice of tooth. Terrified, I pinch the tooth with my thumb and forefinger. It wiggles in my pulpy, mauve gum.

How happy was I when I woke up and ran my tongue along still firmly fixed upper and lower maxillary bony protrusions?

What I was able to eat, given my pearly whites hadn’t actually spilled out of my mouth:

Breakfast at home:

• Honey Bunches of Oats,  2% milk, 1 banana

Work:

• Coffee (with half-and-half, 1 tsp. sugar for lack of preferred sugar substitute—not hypocritical! I like to CHEW on my calories, not drink them…unless we’re talking about milkshakes)
• 6 varieties sour cream-onion smashed potatoes
• 1 slice red gala apple
• 3 varieties “lite” oatmeal cookies
• 2 varieties poule au pot
• 4 varieties French toast casserole
• 2 varieties broccoli-cheddar rice casserole
• 2 varieties Buffalo chicken with blue cheese dip
• Romaine lettuce with 5 varieties creamy Italian dressing
• 1 bite brisket with BBQ sauce
• 2 bites cornmeal biscuit
• a few bites cheese pizza
• coffee

Tags: coffee, cookies, pizza
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